Inner Masculine Moon, Cancer, 4th House Energy and its External Searching
Author’s note: We search for what/who we are until we no longer need the external world to mirror us. I don’t believe we ever stop mirroring, but in being more of what/who we are, there is more space to see beyond ourselves into what/who ‘other’ is. From here, real relationship is born. The following piece is a reflection on my natal Mars Moon conjunction.
What is a ‘Moon Man’? A Daddy? An emotionally mysterious and shifting man? Does his face always change from young to old, from harsh to soft? Does he always go dark part of the time? Is he always a creature of the night even when he loves the day? Do feelings consume him even when he is a thinker?
Family will ALWAYS come first. Family as he defines it. He is personal and personal love. When he loves you, it’s because he personally chooses you and this love does not extend to others or apply generally. He loves you with no substitutes. You are his. He is devouring, just like the Dark Moon goddesses. He lives in your flesh and bones.
There is no forgetting a ‘Moon Man’. You feel him and your body decides how you respond to him. His realm is emotions. And forever, you will react to those created in you by/with him. As long as you bind with him, his tides flow in you and yours in him.
It is possible to lose yourself. It is possible to find yourself. It is possible to realize there is nothing to lose or find. And, if you realize this, it is possible to be home in yourself and in the collective space created with him. Because, the ‘Moon Man’ knows home, because he is home, of home; the feeling of home requiring no physical definition other than his own body and being.
He offers safety and security if you’re secure with yourself. If you are not secure within yourself, he offers dependency, depression, anxiety, insecurity and emotional overwhelm. His tides will pull you out and away and you will drown…in your own darkness and absence of definition…back to the sea you came from with the cries of a helpless child who grew up faster on the outside than the inside…who got lost in her own space.